The Life of being Single

O love such a simple yet complicated aspect of our lives that seems to be almost unreachable for me. From the very moments when I first started liking a girl, I can never seem to get a girlfriend over even yet find true love (if such a thing exists). I'm almost eighteen and yet I've never kissed a girl, been on a date, and other such romantic things. The closest thing I've ever come to some kind of love, infatuation if you will, is dancing with a girl I never knew at a friend's house, but she disappeared and I never heard from her again. But pretty much all numerous times I tried to find love has ended in disappointments, depression, drama, and/or sadness.

So here I am now writing an article about love because well I have no idea why I just want to get my thoughts on something without having to kill trees for the sake of my love problems. Being single and bored I've begun some lists in my head of what sucks to be single and what is awesome to be single.

Good Things:
-I have more money for myself
-I have time for my friends
-Video Games all to myself
-Always free to do whatever
-Focus on work/school
-Eat wherever and whenever
-Hoping for that time it will be your turn

Bad Things:
-Not having a girlfriend (no shit)
-Being "alone" (I'll go into detail on this one)
-Feeling left out of love
-Not able to ever make it to first, second, or third base let alone a home run
-Being jealous and envious of other couples
-Not being able to spend those memorable moments with a person you love
-Never being able to watch romantic movies (and even crying at some if you're a softie like me I swear I cried watching Wall-E cuz hell I was cheering on a robot that could get what I can't)
-Wondering when it will be your turn

That's just a small list of some of the things I thought up. Funny the good things are just mostly about me and that can only take me so far haha.

Some people like being single I don't see anything wrong in that. Other people like me don't. I dunno I think it's just as a kid watching movies, especially Disney ones that love was easier to get. All you gotta do is save the girl from a dragon or somehow charm her in that way and your pretty much married. But I learned it isn't that simple. There's a billion things in movies, cartoons, books, etc. that I wished I had. I wish I had that cute childhood friend that I would fall in love with in the end. I wish I was charming. I wish I had superpowers. But I have none of those traits. I'm overlooked. I'm nothing interesting. I'm nerdy. I horrible at conversations. I'm shy. I always seem to mess stuff up. Hell just to add to this list I barely have any self esteem.

Do I think I am a failure at love, I don't think so. I can grant myself that. But still I hate this feeling of having such great friends but feeling so alone at the same time. I hate that feeling when I'm somewhere with a bunch of friends and I wish there's was just some girl here to share it with me. When I'm watching a movie at the theaters, I wish I had a girlfriend to hug when she was afraid or hold her hand through the whole thing. Whenever I'm out camping I wish I had someone to lie with as we look up at the night sky or see the beautiful scenery before us. During holidays I wish I had a girl to celebrate it with. I wish I had a girl who I can look into her eyes as she would look into mine. One I could smile and laugh with. A girl who would accept me for my shortcomings as I would hers. A girl who I can embrace and kiss I don't need sex to be happy in my relationships. I want to find the closest thing to true love with a girl. I want to marry and I want to die alongside with her together. I just also hate that feeling of being envious of couples. I'm always jealous looking at couples because they got, or at some part of, what I've been wanting for a very long time and then thinking when it will be my turn when I find that someone.

My biggest thing though is during the holidays. They're always nice and everyone's happy but I'm always missing that feeling of celebrating it with a girlfriend. And that's the depressing part for me during the holidays. Valentine's Day especially. I never got valentine's gifts from girls during high school because well I was nothing special and never asked for any myself. But seeing friends that got a bunch from girls that thought of them just makes me feel a crappy and sad inside that barely people ever think of me, but I don't blame them. It happens.

Yet my biggest fear is that I will never find someone. I'll never experience any of that. That I will just grow old and die somewhere alone and lonely.

But that's just a fear I'll have to get over because right now all I have is hope and that's the best thing I can have so far. I'll just have to be patient as well and again hope for the best. My goal though is to at least have a girlfriend before I go off to college and I don't know if you actually should call it trying in a sense because to me that feels like I'm going more for a goal than an actual relationship, but I am doing my best.


To conclude yes I am happy who and where I am now. I have a loving, supporting family, great friends I can count on. And I know I shouldn't complain as much because there's someone always worse off than me, but I can't help but complain it's human nature. To have a girlfriend would be the best thing ever for me right now. All I have to do is get out there and be more social and to keep hoping. Maybe one day I'll find her my one true love.

Christmas Card Picture

The family wanted to take a picture for the Christmas cards we're giving and on the way home we stumble on this place and thought this would be an awesome photo op

Photography picture Redux

My friends and I went a bit crazy with this one. We basically took one pic of my friend Justin here and kept going switching between two cameras mine and my friend Nate's

Explosions in the Sky

 If you want to listen to a chill band look no further.

The make some pretty unique music. No lyrics and the music isn't anything heavy or dark. It's just relaxing. When I need some time to relax and slow down my life I play any of their albums. It's nice to find some music away from the heavy rock and metal,  the catchy pop music, the flow and beat of rap and R&B, and the soothing melody of classical music. It's good to find music you like that is a genre you can't quite put your finger on.

So if you like this song check the out Explosions in the Sky

Disney Animated Films

  Man Tangled is the 50th Animated Disney Movie.... It looks like a really good movie and I'll probably find some excuse to watch it sometime.

But I'm not going to talk about Tangled today. I'm going to put my thoughts down about Disney and how I grew up with it and what I think of it now.

 Disney Then

I was lucky to be born into the 90s and in a period of time for Disney called the Disney Renaissance (1989-1999). There were some pretty great, underrated animated films that came out early than that, but this is when Disney was at its prime.

I was pretty young watching all the films from Aladdin, The Lion King, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Beauty and the Beast, etc. and they were the best. I think that what makes a great movie in my opinion. One that captures you as a child, teen, and adult. I just remember being made fun of for watching anime or "kiddish" shows, but when it came to those Disney it was different.

What Disney movies did was hit the right chord for both kids and adults. It still had the innocence, joy, humor, and fun of a cartoon, but also the humor, drama, and plot for an adult. Take Hunchback of Notre Dame. I had barely any idea about the plot when I was little except that Quasimodo "Good", Judge Frollo "Bad". Watching it again as a teenager, my mouth dropped. The movie became captivating in a different way. I still loved the charming kid parts, but I was drawn into the more mature themes and drama. The song "Hellfire" was a scary song when I was little because I had no idea what he was singing about, just the scene with the robed figures and other visuals. But now it's scary and dark in a different way about sexual desire that you wouldn't believe would be a children's film let alone an animated film.

I cherish every Disney animated film in the past and the memories that came with them. But as I grew up Disney began to go in a direction that I don't really like.

Disney Now

 

Okay timed to bash Disney a bit *Ahem WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU DISNEY?!!!

I'll try not to rant, but it's a really disappointing to me what is happening to Disney.

Okay I barely have any idea when Disney starting changing from cartoon and animations to Hannah Montana, High School Musical, whatever. I can see the goal they're going for is aiming for what's hot in new generation in kids and obviously its not cartoons anymore. I don't mind that. I just feel Disney lost their focus from what they've originally done to focus just on profit.

I'm so surprised that kids still know who Mickey Mouse is because well... have you ever seen Mickey Mouse on T.V. or the movies anymore? I've only seen him in a toddler show and that's pretty much it. Disney Channel is basically 90% kid sitcoms and barely cartoons anymore.

I really don't think kids should be watching these sitcoms kind of stuff that are really supposed to be for teenagers (my opinion challenge me if you will). I feel like these new generations of kids want to be like teenagers and I say NO......... don't throw away your innocence now! I believe kids (approx.) 12 and under (you need -teen in your age to be a teenager). Should be more worried about running around, having tea parties, watching cartoon, playing games, dressing up in silly outfits, well kid stuff! Then wanting to go to High School, gossip, well more teenage stuff you can think of because High School and being a teenager ain't what Disney or any other company is portraying it as!

The only good thing going for Disney (to me) is Disneyland (obviously) and Pixar.

Pixar

Pixar is pretty much doing the same exact thing Disney was doing in the 90s. It's what I wanted Disney to do now (which they kinda of are...? Princess and the Frog, Tangled). A Bug's Life, Monster's Inc., Finding Nemo, Cars, Ratatouille, the Incredibles, WALL-E, UP, Toy Story!! Ya I named them all because they're all great movies! Toy Story 3 is totally describing my rant right now. What Andy as a child and Bonnie were doing is what childhood is all about! 

I'm like Andy going to college soon. He gave the joys of his childhood to a younger generation. I want to give the joy I had to a younger generation.

I grew up with Pixar as well and cherish each movie as well.  I loved Toy Story as a kid because I did the same exact thing like Andy when I was a kid. The one that got me the most recently was WALL-E. I'll admit it I cried in scenes in the movie because it really touched me what true love really is. Those kind of movies are memorable in so many different ways. 

Can High School Musical really do that? 

Conclusion

The old Disney animated films grow up with you. They charmed you as a child and touched you with nostalgia and plot as an adult. If you watched the clip above you know you got goosebumps seeing at least several of those films come up. That's why I cherish those moments and that's why I'm disappointed in Disney now. I don't think High School Musical will have that everlasting effect that Toy Story 3 had, which do you think you will remember the most?

I gotta admit it's probably me just overreacting over this whole thing. I know I'm a bit young and I'm trying to sound like an adult, but again I just want future generations of children especially mine to watch and enjoy those movies like I did. I want kids to be kids they can enjoy being teenagers later.

If you made it down here thanks for reading and if you don't agree with me even better! Just comment below and I would love to have a good conversation with you!

Yum... Thanksgiving Food :)

Final Fantasy 7

Be Warned I go rather nerdy on this one:

September 8, 1997. I was four years old and at a cousin's party and they got the game yesterday.
My cousins were avid final fantasy fans and played the FF1-FF6 like a religion.

But this was my first Final Fantasy game I've ever seen. Hell this was the first playstation game I've ever seen and the first video game I've ever seen. And this would have a great impact on my life.

So it was me and my 15 other cousins of different ages all packed into a room staring at a small tv watching the teenage cousins play the game for the first time.

First cutscene of the game we all "ahhh"ed in amazement and one of the older cousins, and this quote still makes me laugh, says "These are the best graphics EVER! There's no way any system can do better than this!"

But my most fondest moment of this game was at the world map when I listened to the world map music or FF7's Main Theme. It was a beautiful song that was like an 8bit lullaby to me and I soon fell asleep and I pretty much forgot about the game for four years.

Basically that's where my love for video games, Final Fantasy, and Final Fantasy 7 began.

I was 12 when I played the game and finished it and fifteen when I played the game, finished it and enjoyed it.

The story is simple at first, but really gets complicated and interesting later on. The graphics and battle system bring up pure nostalgia. The music conveys the moods perfectly I consider the whole freaking OST a masterpiece up with freaking Mozart and Beethoven in my opinion.

I swear I'm a pretty die hard fan for FF7, but not too much (I don't cosplay, I think the people who make hentai's of this weird fucks, and I don't go bitch and moan when people don't like this game like some people I've seen)

But yes:
I've played Crisis Core- (gameplay redundant, but story was totally worth it!
Owns Advent Children bluray- (okay I can see where people don't like it, but I love it and that matters I don't care who doesn't)
Watched Before Crisis- Good anime on Zack's story (pretty much Crisis Core)
Wishes for a remake- I actually want to play this game over again on the ps3

My Opinion? Tifa and Cloud!!!!!!

Sorry a long debated FF7 topic. But....:
Aerith's Dead (sorry gotta be captain obvious)
Aerith was taken by Zack (come on give your friend some respect bro! btw you have Tifa!)
I think Tifa and Cloud make an awesome kickass duo

So really that's my story with Final Fantasy 7!

Photography

My friend's expression just says it all why I like photography so much.

I was a bit of a shutterbug when I was little using up all the film in my Dad's old camera on some random shots of my face or of embarrassing photos of my family.

The family got a practical digital camera and then I could take all the photos I wanted.
 Only problem is..... The digital camera fucking sucked. It never took the epic photos I imagine the second taking it. It was only cool for those group photos and whenever I got really lucky with it.

I tried out my friends fancy DSLR and I fell in love. I wanted a DSLR camera. Well they pretty much cost well around $1000 or over and the family wasn't particularly interested in buying one of those. So my Dad and I got a Lumix GF-1 a little compromise between practical and pro, but I got started.

Nothing feels better than having so much customization you can do with your photos. Turning up the shutter speed, aperture, ISO sensitivity (I swear I hate going above 800). I love it. It's satisfying to see pictures come out every time and play around with the settings to take a better one. Using new lenses is a new craving of mine. My friend and I bought adapters for older film lenses me OM zuiko, him Canon. Gotta admit I found a new addiction collecting and comparing lenses with my camera. But Photography now has become a big part of my life again.

I can't draw for shit, I can barely sing, but I sure love to take good pictures.

Anime

Okay I gotta admit I'm an manga/anime fan.

I say this hesitantly because people generally don't like anime due to its overly childish feel, overly dramatic characters, awful dubbing, perverted moments, absurdity at time, the people who cos-play and for many other reasons I can't think of. I think the reason people aren't comfortable with anime is like a child toy that isn't proper to play with as an adult. And of course there's an infamous image of a person who enjoys is anime is either really asian, an adult male living in the basement of their parents house, or a combination of both.

But I think that's why its so enjoyable to watch as well (minus the perverted parts, those I can do without). I'm a kid at heart and loved these kinds of shows and movies. But of course there's anime isn't just for kids but for anyone really who takes the time to actually look.

The first anime I've watched, along with a billion other little kids is Pokemon. I loved everything about it. And o boy it sure represents everything in every manga or anime from the over-expression to flashy battle scenes. Soon enough I found out about manga and anime which I dived into with a passion. Hey I was ten years old, it was acceptable at that age. In Junior High, hell even in High School, I'm a bit hesitant with my anime/manga love and soon started becoming a bit picky too on what anime I liked. There's a whole list in my head I hate about anime, even right now.

Things I hate about anime:

• Horrible dubbing  (if in english)- I swear dubbing is the hit or miss in an anime. If you want to see an awesome anime skewered by dubbing watch Naruto in Japanese then English. The English version of the first half of Naruto is so............ annoying hell a lot of those characters' voice piss me off. Thank God Shippuden healed those wounds in my ears.
• Perverted scenes- I find these so unnecessary in every manga/anime. It's like watching a Disney Cartoon and having Minnie Mouse flash you, any sane person wouldn't want their a cartoon doing that to them (unless you're one of the people who enjoy that, sick fucks they're cartoons look at real girls). So yea totally unnecessary and totally degrades my view of the characters.
• Character Monologues about how awesome their technique is for so long........... It totally takes out the action in the battle/fight scenes. It's so annoying. What makes a good anime is when they're able to shorten their explanation of whatever they're talking about or not even explain at all.

Basically these ones are most glaring to me. Others are find are just me nit-picking and bitching about.
 But really what makes a good anime/manga are:

• Characters that are realistic, don't piss me off, likable
• Great story whether romance, fantasy, fighting I gotta have a good plot just like any movie or book
• Battle scenes that don't involve a lot of explaining and talking
• No fillers please no fillers

Animes/Mangas I recommend:

Ghost in the Shell (movies and shows)
Cowboy Bebop
Trigun
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood
Gundam Wing and Gundam 00
Ruroni Kenshin
Bleach
Naruto (gotta admit it grew on me)
Avatar the Last Airbender (movie is fucking horrible)

If I missing any I should add please yell at me!!

Expectation vs. Reality (500 Days of Summer)

Expectations vs Reality from sleeptalker on Vimeo.

One of the best scenes in 500 Days of Summer in my opinion. It's just makes.... so much sense haha.

New in Music

So if you haven't seen the Apple page, the Beatles are finally on itunes! I'm kinda happy for that, but that wasn't the unforgettable day I was looking for, thank goodness I wasn't gettin too excited over it.

Also the new MCR album was leaked onto the internet -_____-, (but >:) on the inside).

Danger Days of a Fabulous Killjoy is pretty good so far from what I'm hearing. I still need some more time, but I like so far.
It doesn't have that same awesome beginning as The Black Parade, but again I still need time for it to sink in.

Na Na Na is an instant favorite already, but a new one I'm starting to grow on is Bulletproof heart.

But for now not bad so far hope this album is a keeper worth buying to support the band^^

I Love it When...

You create a great, unforgettable memory. It's such a awesome feeling like no other.

Mine was at a summer program I attended. I was surrounded by newly made friends and we were walking down a street in a giant group on a college campus to a meeting. We cracked jokes, messed around, began to cheer, and many other things. But at one moment I felt a great feeling of happiness, a feeling of belonging. I just felt what it means to be human.

You don't really know you made a memory like that until afterward you've actually had time to think about it. When you remember that memory you feel lovely nostalgia. You remember who you experienced it with. And you wish you were in that moment to experience again.

I think what I want in my life is 50% success and 50% unforgettable memories

Love

There's so many different forms of it. between family, friends, you get the picture. There's just one form of love I haven't experienced yet. Finding a girl who will love me as much as I love her. I want someone to hold in my arms and cuddle with. I want to experience my first true kiss. It hasn't happened yet....

I failed at that love in so many ways. I've been lied to, looked over, pushed aside, denied. I'm envious at the people who have it now or experienced it at one point. They experienced a joy that I've felt deprived of for all my life. I feel like that person who is bound to love me is somewhere far away or doesn't exist.

People (and a movie) say that true love doesn't exist. Yet somehow I keep believing there is true love no matter what people tell me. I just keep hoping. For that day when I tell a girl I love her that she says, "I love you."

But for now I'll stay lonely. I'll wait til college and maybe I'll have some luck there. I'll just stay positive and hope for the best. There's other things in life worth living for and to enjoy. And that'll be enough for now.

So for that girl who one day will love me. I'm searching for you and I'm not giving up. Please show up soon there's so much I want to do in life with you.

Way I Tell if I have way too much Homework?

I Download all the Coheed&Cambria albums and played them straight through and see how many songs/albums I went through.

1. If I made it through just a few songs= I didn't have that much homework.
2. If I made it though half an album= I had a decent amount.
3. If I completed one album= I had a lot of homework.
4. If I complete two albums= I had way too much homework.
5. Completed Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV Vol. 1 -From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness, In Keeping Secrets of Silent: 3, No World For Tomorrow, The Second Stage Turbine Blade, and Year of the Black Rainbow= I'm doing college applications and my personal statement

Memoirs of the Video Games Systems I own

• Gameboy SP- Every kid had one when I was little and it was finally my turn. It was my first game console I've ever owned and it was awesome! Pokemon Sapphire, Zelda A Link to the Past and Four Swords all day!
• Ps2- I had so many good gaming memories with this system. Playing Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2, Final Fantasy X and XII, Metal Gear Solid 3 Snake Eater, and Star Ocean. But nothing made my asian childhood then playing DDR with the cousins muhahaha
• Psp- The system that out of all the others deprived me of any sleep. I loved playing Final Fantasy Tactics War of the Lions, Lumines, and Patapon
• Wii- Playing the wii wasn't the most fun playing alone, but when friends came over this was the center of the party all the time. It usually was the Rock band and Mario Party 8 nuff said. It's a fun system but the only time I've ever enjoyed it was playing Zelda Twilight Princess and that was with my cousins too at times. But overall good memories.
• NDS- Its always the portable systems that deprived me of sleep. This one did the same as the psp final fantasy tactics advanced and A2 all day. Advanced Wars was also the highlight of this system for me. Pokemon Diamond was also the highlight of this console for me. Overall the nds was my most favorite portable game console and I'm totally excited for the 3Ds.
• Ps3- My favorite HD console. I wanted a 360 but I didn't want to pay for online...... so I went for the ps3. Uncharted 2 is a must buy for this system. The free online, bluray, and pretty legit game collection is totally worth it. Planning to get black ops and assassin's creed brotherhood, but I'm currently pretty poor so we'll wait for Christmas.

• Pc- A system that has never failed me in entertainment. Playing warcraft and starcraft, regretfully World of Warcraft... yeah those were awesome yet life draining times. I'm currently playing Empire: Total War which I say is the best RTS out there next to Starcraft II, but I'm planning to get Civ 5 which looks like a pretty legit game.

Cloudy Day

Panasonic Lumix GF-2

So the new Lumix GF-2 was announced to come out soon. There's no exact release date out yet, but compared to the GF-1, the GF-2 has taken out a lot of the buttons on the upper right hand corner for a touchscreen interface (woot?) and the only other thing added is 1080/60p video recording. So as a current owner of the GF-1 it's not worth upgrading, but for any newcomer I'd say it's worth the money.

Bye Vans... :(

Ya there's a point when your shoes tell you that it's time to stop wearing them. Like when everybody thinks you have brown vans when they were originally black.

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Lens collection

My Dad had an old Olympus OM System Film Camera that I remember playing around with when I was little. I recently found them in the attic while looking around, but too bad I never found the body to these awesome lenses.
Well let's start with the one that doesn't look like it should be part of an OM system.

 This is a CCTV 25mm f1.4 lens I got off ebay for around $20 I still need to buy an adapter for it, but I tried out one my friend had and the product pictures are pretty good.I will try to get some pics with this lens sometime in the near future. Otherwise its a pretty unique lens.

This is one of the old OM system lenses. Made by Zuiko it is a 50mm f1.8 lens and it's the lens i took with my breakfast earlier. It's a really good lens and gets some pretty good shots.

Lastly the 200mm f1.4 OM system Zuiko lens. Geez this thing is like a sniper lens. It basically the lens I'll be using to take sports shots from the bleachers. It's a pretty difficult lens to use, but I'll get some practice with it.
So there's my lenses I have now. My dream lens is to have a leica voigtlander. It may take awhile, but there's nothing wrong with dreaming :)

Breakfast!

Wonderful Morning Breakfast

Panasonic Lumix GF-1

There was a point in photo-taking when I got so tired of the mediocre shots I was getting with the old family Nikon Coolpix and I didn't have enough to get a fancy DSLR camera, let alone a Leica S2 (google it and you've seen the god of cameras for the cheap price of $23,000.... for the body -_____-).

So I found about the Lumix GF-1 really good transition camera between the common digital camera and the fancy DSLR. It was hard choosing between this and the Olympus EP (pen), and don't even talk about the Sony M4/3 that was just an awkward camera to hold.

With 12.1 MP, ISO up to 3200, AF/MF, 1280x720 hd video capture, and includes a lumix G Vario 12-45mm f3.5-5.6 APSH Mega OIS lens all for $680 on amazon currently, it's not a bad camera.
This camera takes pretty brilliant shots and basically any pics I post will be taken by this camera. So it's a recommend, but I also say look at the Olympus EP's if you're interested in buying a Micro 4/3 camera.

Hello World!

Hi world! I'm Gabe, I'm new to the blog scene and I might as well give it a try! My friend introduced it to me so I thought it would be fun.  I'm still getting used to the system so bear with me. I'm planning to discuss and review about music, video games, movies, photography, and the like. My biggest goal though is just to have fun doing this, just get my ideas out there, and have some good conversation with people out there.

This will currently be my photography blog where I will post anything photo or camera related^^